As the world grows more accepting and open to the idea of the rights of the LGBTQ community, many queer people have turned their focus to building long-term relationships. With legislations closely following suit, they can have families and chase the whole white picket fence suburban dream! However, a new hindrance to gay happiness seems to be rearing its ugly head: labels and roles in the LGBTQ community! Many find themselves exasperated with all the red tape that comes with dating in the community. It seems roles and labels play a big role in determining compatibility between any two random people, or do they?
Casual Sex: Gay Culture or Not?
Before we even consider the righteous anti-gay marriage holier-than-thou crowds and the various discriminatory legislation, finding the perfect match in the gay community for a long-term relationship will probably hit a snag called the casual sex ‘culture’. There’s no denying it. There’s a lot of hooking up going on within queer circles, with little regard to committed relationships. Of course, that’s not to say hooking up is bad. We all need to let some steam off after all, and the queer community seems to be the best at that game. However, if you’re on the hunt for love, tough break, because the odds tend to be against you on this one.
Now, that takes us back to our main challenge here: the casual sex label. Let’s not worry more about whether it’s fact or fiction, but rather whether or not it affects your mission to find love. The short answer is an absolute yes! Thanks to decades of being stigmatized, queer dating has always been viewed as a forbidden fruit. It never really went further than casual sex and flirting. At the end of the day, guys would go back home and marry a wife and have kids, the ‘normal’ thing to do! Despite the changing times and beliefs, many people still have that mentality. And this definitely affects the ability of most queer people to trust and commit to a single partner and then settle down.
Traditional Dating Websites with Close Attention to Roles in LGBTQ Community
Dating websites have definitely enhanced the way people interact by making it easier to find both love and casual sex partners. Yet, they have had a bit of a different impact on the LGBTQ community. Instead of just making it easier for one queer person to find another, they have popularised a lot of divisive and limiting dating categories, especially gay roles. Most traditional gay dating websites and dating apps required users to select a role from the three ‘common’ categories: top, versatile, and bottom.
For an already-limited pool, this only makes finding your perfect match even tougher. This eliminates a whole lot of potential candidates without even getting a chance to determine whether you get along or not. Gay online dating also popularised (and still does so) the idea of one having to pick roles in the LGBTQ community in general. This way, one should solidly proclaim that this queer person is attracted to this particular group of people.
Modern Non-Specific Dating Websites & Apps
If you’re going to have a bit of luck with getting what you want, you might want to play around the more modern dating websites and apps that cater to every sexual orientation. Wondering if there really is a difference between traditional and modern dating websites? Absolutely yes! The more traditional and gay-specific dating apps have already been tarnished and labeled as apps for casual sex and prompt hook-ups.
With more modern dating websites and apps, there’s still a chance to run away from the casual sex label. The newer ones like Wickedlist also come with better filters that differentiate users based on their intentions. This means that users can specifically choose why they’re on the site, either for casual sex or to find a long-term relationship. The chances of finding love are also better due to the migration of the exasperated members of the community from these full-on hookup sites seeking for more decent alternatives. Of course, Wickedlist also brings you a pretty vibrant pool of queers on the hunt for casual sex but, this time, only after indicating them as your preference!
So, Roles & Labels – Yay or Nay?
Here’s another obstacle on your quest to find love. Even off the dating websites, you are pretty likely to be hit by these questions sooner or later: ‘Are you top or bottom?’, ‘Are you straight acting or not?’ This effectively reduces the issue of compatibility to sex and outward presentations, giving rise to a very serious and somewhat discriminatory label. By the way, the latter is unfortunately popularised by the LGBTQ community itself. Is that all there is to love? Are we not shutting out great personalities and missing awesome love opportunities for the sake of labels?
Yes, people all have different tastes and preferences in what they find attractive or the roles they prefer to take in any relationship. Yet, the concept of love suggests that it is more than outward appearances and bedroom issues. In fact, a greater part of love has nothing to do with those things. Otherwise, blind people wouldn’t find love or be capable of feeling it, would they?
Winding-Up – Finding Love by Resisting Labels and Roles in LGBTQ community
As much as the labels may make for a great screening tool for casual sex and NSA fun, they work against you when searching for love. In fact, you’d be surprised by how much better the sex will get if you have a powerful connection with the person that goes beyond the physique. What more, you can even invite a third (or fourth) party to the bed if you feel like there is a sexual preference missing in the mix. Wickedlist got you covered there!
To wind up, let’s all agree that you cannot possibly reduce a whole persona to just their genitals, outward appearances, and roles in the LGBTQ community. It takes a bit more than these perishable qualities to fall in love. So, better to look beyond them to something that lasts, such as character, interests, and the will to make things work. Ready to find your perfect match for a long-term relationship on a more neutral platform void of all these labels? Join the massive Wickedlist dating community and find love at the click of a button!
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