The book that sparked this conversation about how we feel loved is called The 5 Love Languages written by Dr. Gary Chapman. In the book, Dr. Chapman writes that communicating through these love languages is very powerful and effective. It can apply to both casual daters and those in long-term relationships. The first step to utilizing them is understanding your language. When do you feel the most appreciated by your partner? Is it when they give you a thoughtful gift? A hug? Is it when they make you breakfast or give you their most undivided attention? Is it when they tell you they love you? When do you feel the most fulfilled in your romantic relationship?
People identify differently with the love languages, and they can be quite useful when you want to get (or to move) to a long-term relationship. They will help you identify your partner’s needs in the relationship. Besides, they put some sense around why we sometimes misinterpret one another’s intentions.
So, What Are Love Languages?
Each of the 5 love languages exists on a spectrum, and it is quite possible to learn to “speak” all of the five love languages. However, it is not necessary as you might spread yourself thin. Your main love language will likely be associated with how love was expressed or shown in your family of origin. It can also be due to what you wanted the most as a child growing up. Being able to explain to your partner how you want to be shown love can greatly increase your ability to feel loved, wanted, or appreciated in either your casual dating or long-term relationships. Also, having a deeper knowledge about the five love languages can assist you to notice the subtle ways, in which your partner may be showing their love for you, even if they are not expressing your primary love language.
Breaking it Down – The Big Five:
Words of Affirmation
This love language is based on verbal communication. It expresses love through words that build up, compliment or support your partner. These verbal compliments don’t have to be complicated; the shortest and simplest admirations can be the most effective ones, especially when your partner is feeling low and needs a verbal boost. Compliments can include “You look beautiful in that dress”, “You look handsome in that shirt”, “You make me laugh”, etc. If your partner speaks this language, always try to compliment them.
This love language is all about giving your partner undivided attention without any other distractions. “QT” means they don’t just want to be with you during this period, but they want to be the center of your attention. Those who speak QT want their partners to focus on them only. Make a note that every time you cancel/postpone a date, skip on time together, or aren’t present (mentally) during your time together, it can be extremely upsetting to your partner as it can make them feel like they are not a priority to you.
Acts of Service
Your partner might speak this love language if they strongly believe that “Actions speak louder than words”. This love language manifests itself through doing acts that you know your partner will appreciate. It can be cooking a meal, cleaning, or doing some of their partner’s chores. All these are ‘acts of service’. They involve a bit of thought, time, and effort. Acts of service should be done with positivity so that they don’t seem like a burden. Your partner’s happiness should be the ultimate goal in mind if these acts are to be considered an expression of love.
This love language is the most controversial of them all as it can be mistaken for being materialistic. It isn’t, however, and it just means that a small meaningful gift will make your partner feel loved and appreciated. You can always ask your partner what makes a great gift for them. Sometimes a small thing, such as simply picking up a pint of their favorite ice cream or a couple of beers after a long working week, can make a huge impact. Knowing this love language can also help you when you’re planning to get your partner a gift.
To people who speak this love language, nothing is more powerful than the physical touch of their partner. They aren’t certainly into over-the-top PDA, but they do enjoy being in close contact with their partner. They feel more in-touch and comfortable in a relationship through things like holding hands or kissing. Sex can also be part of physical touch, and for those who might want to abstain, they need to have a conversation with their partner on how they will fulfill this physical need.
Why Are These 5 Love Languages Important Anyway?
Knowing your love languages in a relationship gives you room to easily communicate and explain what’s most important to meet your emotional needs. It will help both of you to avoid being frustrated or stressed out because of little intimacy. The five love languages offer critical insights in figuring out what is significant to your partner, so you can effectively fulfill their emotional needs.
The idea of using the five love languages in your casual dating or serious relationships is one possible way you can use to address conflicts or emotional distance in your relationships. But like any available communication tool, it only works in a healthy relationship where both partners are willing to talk and hear each other. Love languages can help partners get closer and learn to understand each other in a healthy and fulfilling environment. They should not be something that leaves you feeling drained or exhausted.
Winding Up – Love Languages & Communication
Love and relationships are meant to be a fulfilling experience if both partners decide to make it work. There is a lot of discovery that happens as you spend time with another person. And the five love languages can help you get to know more about your partner. Always take time to communicate with your partner. It will ensure the relationship is alive, healthy, and brings happiness for both of you.
Knowing your love language will greatly enhance your opportunity to be truly loved and be happy in a relationship. Whether you’re in a committed relationship, or it’s just a fun sex dating, and both of you are in it for casual sex, your love language can make the experience an unforgettable one. If you are a man seeking women or a woman seeking men, and you expect to find your other half who would interact with you the way you desire and like, head over to the fastest-growing online dating website in the US, Wickedlist, and find your perfect match in a few clicks!