Insecurities and a lack of self-love mean you think you’re not worth the effort, not worth loving, and you’re often so unnecessarily hard on yourself! They can stem from several factors: cheating, lack of openness in one or both partners, past experiences, etc. Whether you met at the bar or on a dating site when you thought your chakras were aligned, you can still develop insecurities. The biggest cause is a lack of self-love. Most people in relationships think they are undeserving of love, mostly because of some past trauma they experienced (as a child or later).
You’re your own worst critic, and you take every mistake you make as proof that you are vile and not worthy of any kind of love. If you do get the love, it feels like the other person is doing you a favor, or you’ve worked hard to earn that love. These insecurities are something you can work through, and they will gradually fade over time. Let’s explore how they manifest themselves and how best to deal with them!
Self-Love Starts with You
It sounds so simple, right? No, it’s slightly more complex than that. You may have to break some negative habits along the way, and it takes time. Insecurities can come from feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy. Do you find yourself thinking everyone is better because they are richer, or they look flawless? That is a habit you need to break to develop self-confidence. These kinds of insecurities can come from childhood trauma and manifest themselves in adulthood in romantic relationships. Some might find themselves engaging in a lot of casual sex to fill up that space they feel is empty or gain temporary approval from someone else.
You may have lacked attention as a child, or you always had to earn that little love you got, and now you take these feelings and practices into your romantic relationship. You may find yourself fishing for compliments, picking unnecessary fights with your partner just to get attention. These are all signs that something has to change in your mindset.
Constantly remind yourself that you are deserving of love, your self-worth is not determined by how much attention you get from your partner, your past experiences do not have to set the tone for what your entire life will be. In severe cases, seeing a professional who can help you sort through all these conflicting emotions is the best solution. You’re worth it, remember that!
Are Your Needs Being Met? Wait for Insecurities!
Insecurities can come out, guns blazing in a relationship, simply because you may consciously or subconsciously know that you’re getting less than what you should be getting in a relationship. Maybe, you’re not getting enough attention, or the communication leaves much to be desired, or your partner constantly goes ghost. All these can cause insecurities to rear up their ugly heads and result in even more complications.
To put it simply, insecurities can be a warning! Their presence can be an indication of another problem in your relationship. Communicate with your partner if your needs are not being met. Don’t let your partner assume and try to figure things out alone. Talk about what you can improve to make sure both your needs are met. Do you need to spend more time together? Do you need more compliments and words of affirmation? Talk about all of that, and you may see a notable difference.
Cheating? One of Most Common Reason of Insecurities!
One partner cheating can cause the other to be insecure, get paranoid. They could think that maybe the person their partner cheated on them with is better in every way, and they are not attractive, clever, hot, interesting, etc. Cheating essentially tears the fabric of a relationship. A lot of things are lost because of it. You may find yourself asking where your partner is going, calling every hour, and asking what they are doing, who they are with. You may find yourself panicking and acting irrationally because your partner did not pick a call. It is not something you can get over in a week, unfortunately. It will take constant reassurance from your partner to eventually calm you down.
Getting rid of insecurities from cheating is a gradual process that takes effort to be effective. If you choose to keep the relationship after being cheated on and find ways of dealing with relationship depression, you constantly have to build trust (that was broken) with your partner, bit by bit. Your partner should also try as much as possible to be transparent and not act in such a way that awakens those insecurities again. It is a delicate time in a relationship, and if those insecurities are not dealt with, they will eventually erode the entire relationship, and it will crumble into dust.
Do the Things You Used to Do When You Met
Some insecurities in a long-term relationship appear because people stop trying to make the other person feel special. Reignite the spark in the relationship and watch it blossom. If you used to go for a romantic dinner every Friday, start doing it again. Plan fun dates, surprise your partner and do those small things that show you’re thinking of them. Find interesting ways to keep your sex game on point.
That spark that you felt the first time you held hands? Recreate it and squash those insecurities. Put on a dash of that lipstick color he likes, get that fresh hair-cut that makes her knees go weak, and wear that dress that makes him drool and watch the fire and attraction burn bright in your relationship. All this will effectively silence any thoughts of not being interesting or attractive enough. It will remind you that you’re still the person that your partner fell in love with. A little public display of affection never hurt anyone either! Sneak a kiss at the mall and spice things up.
Learn to Communicate Effectively with Your Partner
Often, the root of all these insecurities is a lack of communication. Maybe, you want some things done a certain way, and your partner seems to be failing to do all that. Talk to them and communicate clearly about what makes you happy, sad, uncomfortable, or paranoid. Assumptions usually cause massive problems in relationships because people tend to always imagine the worst-case scenario, which may not even be accurate. When you communicate with your partner, do it in a way that will get through to them. Communication without comprehension is pointless, so make sure your partner understands what you’re trying to say, and you’ll watch those niggling insecurities fade away.
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