Long-distance relationship barely works. Most couples that find themselves miles apart are quick to self-destruct, despite years of commitment to each other. This inevitable demise cannot be attributed to a mere single factor, but multiple ones such as time, distance, and, most importantly, physical affection. It sucks not being able to hug or touch the person you are always thinking about, especially if you had grown accustomed to his/her company.
People have designed all sorts of coping mechanisms to deal with this ‘inevitable’ end, with some people choosing to finish things off as soon as they leave, and others completely avoiding having a love life whenever they know they’ll have to relocate sometime in the future. However, are these coping mechanisms really effective? Even if they are, are they worth the effort? What happens if you meet someone that you can’t take your eyes off? Someone you can’t stop thinking about, your perfect match, who makes you smile with the shittiest of their jokes?
Surely, the heart cannot possibly be reasoned, you’re bound to fall hopelessly in love regardless of your impending separation! If you ever find yourself in such a situation, remember not to despair. Perhaps, there’s a way around it all, a way to sustain love across oceans, let’s find it out!
Do all long term relationships end with distance?
The idea that your long term relationship has to end as soon as you two lovebirds are separated by distance is absurd! What if it’s your perfect match? What if you never find love again, someone who’s as good to you as that one special partner? While many relationships fail due to distance, quite a good number of them survive, perhaps even grow stronger! That fact is not by mere chance, it’s a pretty simple indication that the relationships that succumb to distance are missing something.
The reality of this scenario is that a long-distance relationship is a whole new commitment that requires unique handling habits and practices. It is very much unlike the casual dates that you encounter on online dating sites. Surely, as the nature of the relationship changes, there should also be a change in the way that you handle it to suit the new reality, which brings us to the core of our blog.
How to cope with long-distance relationship
So, let’s say our biggest issue here is distance. There’s rarely much to be done to eliminate the distance challenge. Rather, efforts to prevent your loved one to move can interfere with their life plans and goals such as work and school, which can cause even more serious consequences. After all, we all want to pursue opportunities, and relationships should be the last thing to hold us back, right? However, even if you can’t mess with distance, you can try to work around factors like time and speed to keep your relationship on-track. Here’s how:
The rate at which your relationship escalated from being strangers to ‘dating’ matters a lot. If you have been with someone for eight years in the same city, then a year or so of long-distance dating is not much of a challenge. You need to both focus on that time investment, and how far you have come together to let a brief separation tear it all away. Don’t even hesitate to guilt each other into staying put, it’s worth it!
On the other hand, if you met the brown-eyed gorgeous boy with a mop on his head (or that blue-eyed damsel) a few days/weeks/months ago, your chances are much slimmer. However, if your chemistry is on fire, and the feeling is mutual, you can control the sped of the relationship to ensure that it survives a long-distance relationship.
Wondering how? Well, consider the stages of a successful relationship and be very strict about the pace with which you move through each one. These stages should put friendship at the very start, and intimacy at the very end! Now, this might feel like a move to make someone ‘jump through hoops’, but, trust me, the moment you blaze through these stages, your relationship is doomed. Before jumping into bed, ensure that the two of you establish a friendly connection. This is very critical because it is the one thing that can sustain a conversation after intimacy. Anyone who has ever had a fling knows very well that the conversation after sex is pretty downhill! If your partner is eager to rush through and not down for this stage-based progression, he/she is probably not as interested in the relationship as you are.
The timing of the relationship also matters a lot. If you are at a time where you and your partner both have their plates filled with family obligations, jobs, grad school, or other demanding personal issues, a long-distance relationship may be the perfect kind of low-maintenance dating that you both could handle. Even if there is less time being invested in the relationship, it won’t cause much trouble for both of you. Rather, the casual talk is enough to sustain it. Just remember to be consistent. Set a routine that you follow religiously such as daily/weekly calls, regular life, and progress updates, and remember all the special dates like anniversaries and birthdays.
What happens if you’re at different stages in your life? This is often the case for many failed long-distance relationships where one member feels left out or abandoned as the other focuses on other critical issues in their lives. The best solution to this would be to avoid dating people whose life is at a different stage than yours in the first place. However, if it happens, then it’s time to make some serious compromises or serious life choices. Try to divert your attention to other commitments by creating them yourself. Start a business, learn a language, or pursue further education. This will help you to distract your attention to something else hence matching your occupied partner.
Handling long-distance relationship with your perfect match
Remember, long-distance relationships only work if both parties are committed to it, hence that commitment is what makes the other person your perfect match, nothing more. As mentioned earlier, these long-distance relationships require ‘special’ handling. Here are a few practical tips to follow:
You can only keep the fire burning if you stay in touch. Never ignore your partner, try to always keep in touch daily, finding common ground and topics of interest to discuss. This will even help you build a stronger friendship bond.
The last thing you need is to have secrets between you or chat guardedly. Open up about your life, your daily experiences, your fears, etc. It’s also very important to keep reminding each other about your mutual love, never assume or act macho. Simple love affirmations are very critical, and they’ll help keep the fire burning. If you ever feel suspicious, then check out how to determine if your partner is cheating or not. Knowing where you stand can help you solve the issue or move on.
Be adventurous – Sext!
The lack of physical intimacy is one of the greatest strain in long-distance relationships, especially if you were already sexually active before. Luckily, there are lots of modern intimacy options to explore. The very basic of them is sexting. Don’t be shy to initiate ‘dirty’ conversations in text, praising your partner a bit about their body and describing what you want to do to them in full detail. You can also explore the more enhanced options such as video sex and the use of mutual sex toys!
As we wind up, remember that a long-distance relationship doesn’t only have to hurt, it can be light-hearted, and it can make your dull days better. You can also find more tips on how to keep the fire burning in our previous blog. Find someone that you can share your love with despite the distance, someone who can make you smile, and someone ready to invest the time and energy for you. Choosing the right person with mutual interests will help make it better as they’ll be willing to deal with all the speed, distance, and time issues for you. If the attraction is real, and the will is present, long-distance relationships will give you the best memories and strengthen your bond more than ever before!